Dorm Life: Parties and Permission

So I've complained about people cooking dinner in our kitchen before, but this isn't about that.  This is about that.  This is about the common courtesy one extends to neighbors when in a joint living situation.  When I suggested my kitchen as the potential Halloween party/Birthday Party location for my friend Eduarda, I told her to hold off on sending the invitation to everyone until I had a chance to ask everyone else on the floor if it was ok.  I even invited them all to come.  And they did come, even Miss Montana who hardly ever leaves her room. I think because it was a courteous exchange and because it wasn't a big drunken crazy party, people felt comfortable there. This isn't to say that the simple act of asking people for permission to have a party automatically makes it a better party, but it fosters a certain amount of goodwill amongst the people with whom you live.



I mention this because yesterday I received an invitation on Facebook to eat dinner in my own kitchen.  One of the Brazilians had sent an invitation to all of his facebook-friends who study here in Tübingen inviting them to bring something for dinner - pot luck style - and have dinner in our kitchen.  The first thing I heard about this party - to which over 60 people were invited - was through the facebook invite.  I almost responded by saying: "Yes, I'd love to eat dinner in my own kitchen for once, thank you for inviting me to come across the hall."  However, I held back.  It's too early in the semester for me to be that bitchy.

Today he saw me in the hallway and asked me if I had heard about the dinner, and I said yes, but only through facebook, not ahead of time, and he said that he didn't mention it ahead of time and then asked me if it was ok.  I suppose his policy is that it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission, but I think we're past that point in our dorm.  There's been too much forgiving after the fact, and not enough consideration for other people.  What if I was going to be writing my exams this week?  Well, actually, I know what I would have done.  I would have told him that he couldn't have the party in our kitchen and that he was going to have to find another place to have it.

I know it's inconvenient to take other people into consideration, but there are six of us on this floor and 20 of us in the building.  Maybe someone should start thinking of others and not be so selfish in thinking of themselves.  True, having a pot luck party is being inclusive, and I did get invited, but I should have to be "invited" to a party in my own kitchen.  I should know that it's going on before the invite even goes out.