City life, country life

I've been in Berlin for about 3-4 weeks now and have found my favorite cafés, restaurants, and quiet places to sit and work. I have walked more in the last three weeks than I probably had in the prior 3 months. It's good. Other than what I think might be mild tendinitis developing in one of my feet, I enjoy the fact that I don't have a car.  It's funny, actually, every time I come to Germany, I swear that I'm going to walk more and forgo driving the car.  But then when I get back to the US I always fall back into driving everywhere.  To be fair it's a little harder to go without a car where we live, but for day to day commuting, it's entirely possible.  It just takes getting up earlier and planning more.  We'll see what happens when I get home.

In some ways I miss city life. There is always something to do often at little or no cost. DC and Berlin are very different cities, but they share a liveliness and energy that you don't necessarily get where we live now.  Sometimes it's really nice and sometimes I just want to shut it off and escape.

This week, while most of higher students are on an excursion to Munich, I will be renting a car and driving to the south to visit my family. The idea that I have no responsibilities except to myself for a week sounds like heaven to me. The quietude of being in the countryside and being able to work on my own research and writing without getting texts from students or roommate drama is really appealing. 

I'm driving because it's cheap and it gives me freedom. The cost of renting a car for a week, even with gasoline, is about the same as, if not less than, flying and getting a car, or taking the train and relying on others for transportation. Plus, the constant pull of freedom and convenience always seems to win out.

Dresden excursion

This past weekend we went as a group to Dresden. I haven't been to Dresden since 1997, when I was doing research for my senior thesis on the reconstruction of space and buildings in post unification Germany and how it served as a representation of the attempts to construct a new common national identity. When I entered the main square 17 years ago, a good chunk of it was separated off by fencing, and they were cataloging what looked like rubble. In fact, it was the remains of the Frauenkirche, a church that had been destroyed during the fire bombings by the British from in February of 1945. The church was rebuilt between 1994 and 2004, and was reopened to the public in 2005. 

When we entered the downtown area, I started to tear up. What had just been a dream and a pile of rubble 17 years ago, was a significant presence in the Dresden skyline. The Frauenkirche, which I had only seen images of, was there in all its glory. I was somewhat surprised by my reaction, but it was like seeing a wound that had been healed. While the church may it be the most impressive from the inside, it is what it symbolizes that impressed and overwhelmed me. As we listened to the service and the organ concert, I wondered at the patience and perseverance that it took to undertake such a task, and the faith, that must have sustained that community over the course of the 60 years it took to see their church rebuilt.

The rest of hone trip was lovely, but that was a highlight.

Home Alone

Well, to be honest, I'm neither at home, nor am I really alone, but it feels like that right now.

I have a roommate. She's very nice, a bit of a flake, and reminds me a lot of my sister.  She's also a huge party animal. She goes out most Sundays to this club, that is apparently very exclusive, and which I don't actually care about.  She has had a steady stream of visitors since we arrived almost two weeks ago.  RIght now, she has three friends over - friends from this exclusive club, but not just from there, who are hanging out together in her room.  I was working in the living room when they came home, but I think it's absurd for her to be hanging out in her room, when there is a perfectly good living room to hang out in, but obviously I wasn't invited to hang out with their group.  This is honestly fine by me, but I when I volunteer to clear out so that you can hang out in a room that is meant for hanging out, and that would be much more comfortable, I would think that they would take advantage of that.

But no.  Instead they are in her room, which is right next to my room, and which has paper thin walls, so that when I choose to go to bed, or talk on the phone with my husband, or do whatever, I have to hear their conversation throught he walls, and their music, and whatever else.  Again, I don't expect to be invited to hang out with her and her friends, but I feel very alone, sitting in my room by myself and biding my time until I can call home. 

It makes me feel like one of the un-cool kids.  Like I'm not cool enough to hang out with her and her friends.  Which, honestly, is probably true, but I don't want to be cool like them. My life does not revolve around partying. I like hanging out with my friends, and having partys but that is a sometimes thing, not an every night thing.  I feel like at the age of 38 - or 39 in my roommate's case - one would have gotten to the point where hanging out could be inclusive, and respectful, and I get that these are friends who she hasn't seen in a while, but I don't like being made to feel uncomfortable in my own home.

So, yes, I'm home alone, seeking out opportunities to spend weekends away so that I don't have to deal with this in the future.